Wolfbane Manor

*looks to see the journal as he had left it* Hey all, just as a note, I am moving from my roomie's apartment soon. Wish the Foger luck, yeah?

First off, who the fuck does my roomate think she is to tell me who I can and can't talk to? She overstepped the line tonight when she said,

"Oh, I have a bad feeling about Narei, you can't talk to him and I have a bad feeling about him did he sign off oh ok I thought so..." ect ect...x_x

First off, he didn't sign off, I said he did and she was acting this way.

She has no right. u_u

Anyway, I did good at work today. Got two compliments. Basically, the boss congradulated me on how fast I picked up the register. Also, she said I reminded her of myself.

Nanaki and I faught about the TV again. I just shut up, I don't want to hurt him anymore, so I'm not gonna dog him anymore about it. I'm just gonna close my eyes and watch the day pass by in my mind.


A dozen red roses
Bound by a string,
A dozen little promises
Founded on one thing,

I'll never hurt you,
I'll never make you cry
I'll never make you feel insuperior
I'll be promise you can't deny.

Yet if you hold me wrong,
Saying without thinking too quick.
I'll pierce your heart,
With a simple, thorny prick.

Y'know, I normally wouldn't post things like this online, but I feel as if I need to just ramble on about this.

For those of you who I really talk to, you know Nanaki and I have been together for about 4-5 years now. Through the ups and down, he has been there for me for so much, and I just feel as if I have been neglectful to him and his needs, but I don't know how. He suggested I try to be more romantic, so I'm thinking on what he could have meant by that.

Anyway, I promised him I would stop dogging him about marriage. The current plan is as follows:

He stays in his home until he graduates his first year of collage
I go to collage and get my Associates in Computer Visual
I move out of this apartment and into a house, or maybe into a seperate apartment away from my roomie
We live together for two or so years and then marriage
We have a kid when he's ready
Raise her/him
Grow old.

I also would like to say I do have a major anger problem that I found I have been able to curb more and more. The inspiration?

I don't want to hurt him.

Anyway, since he has been with me, I have been in supreme happiness. I really do love him, and if he reads this...

*slowly takes his lovers paw, stroking it* Nanaki, my dear...I love you more than my words could ever express. The smile you give me really lights up the darkest of days for me, I spend my every waking minute thinking of the days when I can really hold you in my arms without you having to be under a dictatorship of your parents.

I just wanted you to know that...*laps his face*

Narei and I are now on speaking terms/good friends. Yay.

I couldn't finish my training again today because of laptop problems.

Starrdust wanted me to work a furmeet out, so I did.

I finished my site.

I'm freaking tired.

But barely. I hated being in that god-awful employee lounge for 5 hours straight with only one 30 minute lunch. It wasn't just the room that I hated, it was the tacky video that they showed us, and the guy who was beside me was a complete dumbass.

I'm just glad its ovah. Well, one more trip there and I should have my training completed.

Well, I made it back from 'Up North' in one piece. Needless to say, it was a much needed vacation. My body and mind feel rejuvinated, I feel as if I can fly now. Nanaki and I made up and I found the route of our fights.

As it stood, I was just really, really angry and I was taking my anger out on him. ^.^ I'm just glad its all over with now.

And, I still feel like a dude. We had lotsa yiffy fun too. :-p

Woot for 4 Wheeliess~!

I just miss my baby.

*sighs*

Anyway, I start my job tomorrow. Wish me luck. *sigh*

Through The Dust
From The Fall,
When Darkness Comes,
Consuming All,

Hold Fast My Heart,
My Arms, My Body, My Soul
And If You Will Let Me,
Hold Fast All Control.

Let My Spirit
Wash Away Our Sins
So That We May Become
Pure Once Again

...Woo for randomness.

Well, with my 20$ B-day money, I went on Furbid and bought two plushies. ^_^ (one for me and one for Nanaki-san. Christmas is comin')

Both plushies were only $1 each. Just gotta get in contact with the guy I bought them from.

Now for the bad stuff...

I have to go up north tomorrow. You may be wondering what's so bad about that...

Well, it's with Nanaki's folks. Meaning that I will have to be a completely different person. Oh JOY.  /scarcasm

If anything, I'll be happy to get back in touch with my nature-esque side. Also, you see my little display picture?

Thats my male fursona. He's a fox/tiger, a Foger. ^_^ I edit'ed the icon from Furcadia so that he has an orange underbelly. You will luffle him now. ^_^

((Psst...I'm sick...Leave luffles to the gay foger. ^^))

...or Ben and Jerrys. ^_~

Hello fellow furries, and welcome to another addition to the wonderful world of Kahami's bitching. xD

Alright, all jokes aside, this is kinda a serious matter to me. My problem is this...Now, we've all had the fantasy of what it would be like to be another gender. For me, this has started to become a sort of obsession...I started to think today, "When, have I ever been fully proud to be a female? When have I ever truly embraced my body as a whole?"

The answer was never.

Well, now, it's come to this point: I feel more like a male then a female. Nanaki and I play different roles as needed for rp-ing, but I find myself constantly playing a male on Furcadia, or any other rpg I'm in. I find it more natural (to me anyway) to talk in a slightly deeper voice, to carry myself with a higher head then normal, and to instinctively pull my furend Starrdust close when she's frightened by a group of men when we walk together, (she was raped recently) and assure her it'll be alright. My eyes narrow at these men as if to say, "Back off, she's mine." but I feel no affection for her whatsoever.

I've always been a kind of...tomboy...as a child, and even now. I don't know why it is I feel this way, I've only told one other fur, and she feels completely fine calling me by "Brandon."

This has also shown in my artwork: I can't seem to draw "Kahami" correctly anymore, its like, she always comes out as missing something...and then I notice I have messed the porportions up completely...yet...when I draw my male fursona, it just seems to fit me better...to be more of me inside of this drawing...

So yes, any suggestions? I have looked deep inside of myself to find a true form, and yet...I see myself as a male. My cheekbones are just slightly more defined, my hair is still long and tied back, I have a mustache and small beard, kinda like a goatee, (I'm not sure what it's called, I'll find a pic later.) I'm still as chubby as I am now/still have a gut, I'm not by any means *well hung, (I'll spare you details), I'm simply me, but as a male.

* This has even carried over to sex with Nanaki. He doesn't mind, of cource, because he is bi, but still, its sad when you have to picture yourself having a penis and being jerked/sucked/yiffed off just to reach a climax. *

I have moved in with a friend for a while. She's crazy...

No really, she's a loonie. She's fun though. I just worry about her decision making with me here. She seems to hover around me like a fly.

An annoying fly.

She's also seeming to listen to everyone else saying that she shouldn't let me move in. What the hell people?! They don't even know me and yet they're calling me a freeloader, saying she shouldn't let me stay because it'll raise her rent. HOW? I have no job as of yet, so the base rent is 450$ for a 1 BR APT. Also, it's by income, meaning it's 450 or 30% of both parties income, whichever is more. If I have no job, how is that going to raise her rent?

Well, work has given me more hours, so thats a yay. The bad news?

My mom is cheating on my dad with the fucking pastor. (No pun intended)

*looks down* It's just, my dad doesn't deserve this...